| my heart sleeps as i watch the stars move |
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Friday, May 16, 2003 okay, so i studied for a good HOUR. and a half hour in between these last two blogs. jeez. i need to get down to business. i hate my psych class. dammit. stupid GE classes. my life for the next two weeks: study study find distractions like the internet study study study no more ditching or falling asleep in class study study study think about buying tickets to New York soon so we get the flight we want study study study study think about cutting my hair study study study oh yeah, vsa practice and culture night. something i did not want to give up time for study study study study study.that is my wish/hope list. i will probably not care and not study and die b/c i will be in school for another 3 years, at least. wow, you're gonna have to excuse my melodramatic moment there. i was reading a chapter about young adulthood in my human development textbook. whew! yesterday evening was one of the nicest, most relaxing night i've had in a long time. it was very spur of the moment and probably should not happen again until finals are done and over with. i went over to the addison household and was pleasantly surprised to see craig sweeping the garage and keeping the house neat. wow, i would not mind living with a boy like him. anyways, jenn, the baby, david, jasmine and cindee came. we went to the park to play ultimate frisbee and play on the swings. is this what people do back in ohio? jasmine and i played with the boys ultimate frisbee, but all that running around in the cold air made us tired after a while, so we sat out and cheered them on. we sat there and talked about how this was such a picture out of our textbooks. we were so "multicultured" and wholesome. the girls sitting out as the boys playing frisbee in the park. jenn brought the baby and we joked about how she was the one who had the baby, but we were here friends and we accepted her in our group. i sat there and watched the boys play, and i thought, it's really nice sometimes just to hang out with people and have people around. i forgot to mention, there was also this girl hangin out with us yesterday. i didn't really know who she was. she never talks to the girls. so when jasmine came, i asked jasmine who she was. jasmine was like, i don't really know. i think she's the psycho addison fan. i told her that that explained alot. b/c she was so unfriendly, but i felt bad b/c i thought i was ignoring her. she never says hi, and when i met jasmine and everyone else, they were all so friendly, however this girl wasn't. i was confused. we talked and giggled and then we joined cindee and jenn and played foursqures. but we didn't remember how and were tempted to ask the kids playing in the playground, but decided to make up the rules. hey, that's what kids do anyways. so as we were playing, jenn asks jasmine who that girl was. and jenn was like, she' s not very friendly. i was like, hey that's what i said. anyways, you get my story. i'm just rambling on now. i should study. or rather, i should call up vanessa soon to see if she is done. Wednesday, May 14, 2003 i was just sitting here, thinking about thinking. i was thinking about sitting in my room and thinking about things. it makes me sad. i start crying in my thoughts and i feel overwhelmed. someone walks by and kicks my chair and i'm startled back to reality. i shake my head and my heart is heavy. my eyes are completely dry, yet i feel like i've just been crying. i look around me and people are just staring at their computer screens. i feel so out of place. 26 days till...what have i done in the last 20 years? what kind of impact have i had on the people around me? what have i gained? what a waste of 20 years. what is still missing? wow, my life has been lame. melee at warped tour? good job boys. just keep your shirts on. while studying for my human development exam, i came across a passage... "throughout life, friends are even better than family members...personal choice is on reason. we do not choose our siblings, cousins, parents, but we do choose our friends...the fact that friendship ties are voluntary, in contrast to the obligatory basis of family ties, makes close friendship a validation of personal worthiness..." thanks to my friends for choosing me. i may have only a few friends, but hey, it's quality over quantity. NO ONE'S GONNA COME Down in the valley you´re close to the sun but we´re heading closer as close as can come so you said `you have to put some truth into your words´ Down in the valley, inside your mansion you won´t have to speak to express what you feel but I said; `you know how it feels but not what to do´ It doesn´t make sense how you can leave the ground and enter the sky and stay there too Down in the valley: a myriad of fools and sometimes they invite you to do what you do, and these fools share my opinion that flying is crazy too Down in the valley a choice has been made a new reputation, it sleeps in your bed like you said: it never was better than how it was I know what to say when things fall apart Now that they grow I´m talking in the dark You can just call I will pretend not to care You´ll pretend all and I´ll pretend you called But no one´s gonna come tell you how it´s done tell you how it feels `till you come down It doesn´t work by itself How come? Monday, May 12, 2003 you should of told me you didn't want to go last night. i could tell through the phone calls (even if you didn't say anything) that something was wrong. i would've won the am radio bass drum head thingy for you anyways. wow, i just a really bad moment. I stopped surfing the internet and went back to my paper to see that i haven't written anything and i felt like i was about to cry. jeez. breathe. cough. i need to concentrate, i need to stop all these silent thoughts in my head and just focus. So I was watching the Rooney video for "Blueside"....and then I went to Vanessa's site and was really freaked out to read that she was watching it too. i'm so distracted right now. i can't concentrate to write my scientific paper. so distracted...or so sidetracked...or so tired....or so lazy...neeed to focus!...help modwaste benefit show last night was good. more details later.... |
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about me! links Vanessa archives 06/09/2002 - 06/16/2002 taggie here credits original layout w4rnawarni : listen to the music designed by w4rnawarni @ blogskins |