| my heart sleeps as i watch the stars move |
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Saturday, February 28, 2004 i'm so angry and frustrated right now. more so with my parents. i can't take this. my mom is so overbearing. i seriously can't take it. and i'm a bit frustrated with peter right now too.here's the story, well briefly. peter and his family invited me to go to europe with them over spring break. i told him i can't b/c i have no money. he says that if i don't want to go, then i should just say so. i said, i never said that. he keeps saying that. and i said, don't put words in my mouth. i never said i didn't want to go. i just said i can't for practical reasons. he keeps saying i should ask my parents. and i said i already know what they're gonna say. he says fine, if you don't want to go, just say so. i didn'1 say that! i can't ask my parents b/c they just gave me money for london and i usually dont' ask them for things like this all the time. especially money for me to have fun. i do'nt like to ask them for money or for things. i try not to ask so often either. i like to save it up for something big. especially asking for money/buying something/or going on a trip/moving out. like i did when i got my guitar. i paid for it, but i still had to ask my parents. and b/c i try not to ask for much, when i do, they know it's more important. like going to london too. so i told peter, i just went and i can't ask for money again, especially if they are considering a car right now. and i'm so hesitant about that too! i almost backed out of talking about the mini to them b/c i just don't feel right. asking for somehting and pushing to get it. it's like a dream car, and i'd be spoiled if i got it. so i backed off and suggested others. but the point came across again about the price range of the mini. it's a good price range. anyways, peter just doesn't understand that this was the way i was raised. and it's just me. i just don't like asking them for too many things. it has to be reasonable. anyways, i haven't had a chance to talk to them this past week, and when i told him that, he was offended that i couldn't remember to ask them. well excuse me. i've been busy and i already said that this is somehting that i know they would not let me go and i know and don't want to have to ask them for anymore money. he goes and says things that make me feel bad for not remember to ask my parents and not thinking this is important enough to remember. so i just talked to my mom....which ended with me getting really frustrated. not b/c she said no. i knew she was going to say no. i ddint' even ask for the money or to go. she freaked out about me going and it seeming like i was his girlfriend. (my mom and her old fashion ways, she thinks that when someone is a gf, or bf, that automatically means they are sleeping together or in a really really serious relationship. i tried explaining to her the meaning of it these days, but she doesn't get it. she has issues with what other people may think.) she thinks his parents will get the wrong idea. hello. i think they already think something. they told me to stay over once if i was going to stay late, but i went home. and then the other night, they told peter to stay at my place b/c of the rain. but he went home in the early morning. i'm so frustrated right now. i can't take this. my mom is too much. when i tell peter tomorrow that i talked to my parents and like i had said, i wouldn't be able to go, and that i got into yet another fight with my parents, i hope he will be happy. i know my parents, and i know when to push it or not. and this is not the time. especially since everytime i talk to them, i can't stand it and i just end up arguing and getting angry anyways. there's no way around it. even if i start the arguments, i just can't take it. you guys know me and yes, i am on the conservative side. and that's just me. or how i was raised, but i can't take it how she treats me now. she needs to understand that all the lessons she wants to teach me are taught and now it's just up to me to live and learn. i'm gonna go cry myself to sleep b/c i'm so frustrated. yeh, i cry, you'll just never see me when i do. i just blog about it.
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about me! links Vanessa archives 06/09/2002 - 06/16/2002 taggie here credits original layout w4rnawarni : listen to the music designed by w4rnawarni @ blogskins |