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Friday, October 10, 2003
excuse me while i blog b/c it seems like this is the only place anyone will care to listen/read.
don't worry, within 10 minutes, i will no longer be angry/sad. that is my flaw. i have to go and see things other people's way and reason and then i get guilty for even thinking that way.
it's been a long week. you probably wouldn't care to hear about it.
my mom called me last night, and told me about the plan for next week. she sounded so sad. i can't stand that. please, people, when you say "bye" on the phone, please do not do the long monotone "bbyyyyyyeee." vanessa's not the only one. my sister does it and apparently my mom did that last night. it breaks my heart. and it makes me break.
like right now......
while driving home from school tonight, i just really wanted to go home. i just wanted to give my mom a hug. i waved her goodbye this morning as she left to take my sister to school. all day i have been re-playing that image and i would just get so sad....like right now..................................................highly emotional week.... well anyways i came home to find that no one was home. wow, my house is usually never empty. i went to go study but not for very long b/c i just could not stand the emptiness.
anyways, i came home and my mom was sleeping and my dad was in bed reading. i just wanted to go hug them both...........hang on, emotional week................but i just couldn't get myself to. i have this thing where i get embarrassed and awkward when i want to show any sort of emotion. but i just want to hug people sometimes and hopefully that is my way of telling them how much they mean to me. but again, i get embarrassed to actually go and do that. it takes a lot for me to do that. blah blah blah.......
looking at all my outgoing calls, they have been all family members and people who i have missed seeing. apparently though, i may not be important enough to be on other people's outgoing calls.
okay, i am done with venting. here is me being reasonable. maybe people have other things to deal with. they are busy. probably more than me. some people are just not like me. i shouldn't be so selfish. it's not all about me. i am just dealing with a really long and emotional week, but my cousins have just lost their dad................agian, emotional.........i need to stop................i've found that squeezing your eyes tightly and pushing the pressure points on the inner sides of your eyes helps. see, i feel guilty for even making myself seem sad b/c i'm so lucky in many ways that i don't need anyone's sympathy. so i'm going to stop. i'm going to say that there are so many wonderful people in my life and i am extremely grateful. if i don't get a chance to give you a hug, just know that you are important to me.
i have a calc test in the morning and i cannot afford to waste time anymore. i need sleep.
theresa writes @ 1:50 AM |
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