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Tuesday, June 25, 2002
i've been gone for a week in a half, so i haven't really known what has been going on at home. i called my mom at work today to talk and she told me about what was happening to my dad at his work. so much crap. i'm really worried about my dad. he doesn't look too good. because i see him everyday, i don't notice the change. but every relative, every friend, every single person who sees my dad has questioned or mentioned how thin he's gotten, how sick he looks, how bad he looks. his work is suspending him without pay for 3 weeks. that is a lot of time and money. and everyone at work thinks it's wrong. my dad has worked there for 15 years. the first 10, under a different boss, none of this happened, he did very well with his job. now, the last 5 years working for a new boss, at the same place, so many problems have arisen. the thing is, we had all just been stressed and worried about his job, but now i'm so worried about his health. he's just so down and stressed out. i don't know what to do. when i was talking to my mom on the phone, i started to cry a bit. jeez, and i'm not one to cry or show much emotion.
the guy who has been working on our house is a friend of my dad so i guess my dad told him about what was going on. so when i was talking to my dad's friend, he was saying how he too has noticed how my dad is so stressed and he was saying hopefully with some time away from work, he can relax a bit. he said that he notices how my dad is the type of person to hold it all in and stress about things and not let things out. and when he said that, i kind of realized that i am like my dad. i'm like that. if things bother me, i hold it in and i try and deal with it myself, not to get people envolved so they too would have to worry about stuff.
crap, you know, this new blog was suppose to be a place where i just review what goes on in my day so that i can remember it. i didn't want to write such personal things like i had in my last. but i don't know, i need to vent. i need to get these things out somehow.
while i'm at writing some personal thoughts, i need to get this out. i get so frustrated that i dont' hold grudges at people sometimes. it's a good thing that i don't, but sometimes i wish i did, because that would make me feel so much better. i tend to put too much pressure on myself to do certain things,but easily accept it of others. and i can sympathize with them. but for myself, i just have certain standards and it really stresses me out. and yeh, i know i tend to blame myself for a lot of things, or i take it upon myself to do certain things. i wish i could just get angry at people and no feel bad about things. ok that's it, no more of this.
theresa writes @ 7:43 PM |
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